Cold turkey 3 months on.


After twenty six years of allowing myself to experience suffering, twelve years of soul searching and four years of being on anti-depressants I decided to go cold turkey and come off anti-depressants.  Three months ago, I rebelled.  I did what I do best.

‘Yes’, it has been very difficult and ‘No’ please do not do what I did until you have spoken to your doctor.  I spoke to my doctor who advised me not to go cold turkey but seriously, I had had enough.  I wanted to feel emotions again, I wanted to live, feel alive and I wanted to realise what I had been doing to my body and this is what has happened in the last three months…  I’ve cried, a lot, I’ve felt dizzy, a lot, I’ve started exercising, I feel a lot of anger, I still don’t feel like I’m living, I have stopped drinking alcohol so much, I am jobless and I have stabilized my weight.

I still have no idea what I am doing on this planet, what is the purpose of my existence?  ‘Yes’ I do feel like giving up because my brain is so crazy at the moment or we could say ‘Frazzled’ as Ruby Wax refers to it.

But, I do have a that one little spark, the one that has hope, that glows, dimly.  The one that wants to make sure I’m the best mom I could ever be.  I’ve always wanted to be a mom.  I do have the most perfect son, even better than I ever imagined I would have.

To help me along with my day I have a tiny combination of people who I listen to and watch online, Marianne Williamson, Tony Robbins, Ekhart Tolle and latterly Gabby Bernstein.  I live in the isolated, beautiful, British countryside, in a big beautiful house.  I do feel lonely at times but I know the universe is giving me a beautiful environment to heal, develop and to push myself to my limits so I can really get to know myself.

But this is just so difficult and at times I feel so low that my insides feel like they are being starved of oxygen, my teeth are clenching together and my jaw hurts and I can actually feel all the neuro paths in my brain constantly jolting.

I am starting to feel sleepy, I want to really end this on a positive note, my lesson learnt of the day, as Tony Robbins states: ‘Where focus goes, energy flows’.  So I need to focus on what ‘I have’.  The one thing I freely preach to the whole world, ‘Gratitude’.


21 day habit buster – day 2

Well, so far, I’m not overly happy.  I can’t say I have stuck to my three simple goals to the best of my ability.

  • I am definitely drinking water before every meal.  Before I put anything in my mouth is another thing.  I find I put lots of food in my mouth simply just when I walk past anything.  When I am preparing a meal I’ve realised I actually eat a meal by grazing and tasting the meal which I am cooking.
  • Eat three meals a day.  Yes I’m doing this too.
  • Walking for 20 mins a day.  Have not even started.

Until I can do all three things in one day I can’t start to break my habit.  Furthermore, I have started to realise just how much I love food and the feeling of being overly full.  What could I possibly do to take this pleasure away?  … here I go again … drifting away from the task in hand.  Three simple goals.

21 day habit buster.

Tried almost everything under the sun that doesn’t involve a knife or going under anesthetic, only further failing to eradicate those ‘bad’ habits.

After all that soul-searching, (reading books, yoga, hypnosis, sports, fat clubs, you name it) I have come to the realisation that I possess some bad habits that really irritate me.  Yes, ‘MY’ bad habits really irritate ‘ME’!

What am I going to do about it? (Reader, I would be overjoyed if you joined in and shared your progress with me)

Step one: I am going to firstly list my irritating habits, in order of what comes to my mind first:

  1. Eating at times other than meal times (at the table from one plate)
  2. Given up on walking
  3. Not drinking water when I feel hungry to work out whether my body is hungry or thirsty
  4. I think this is enough for now.

Step two: I will now turn these negative points into positive mini goals:

  1. Eat three meals that make my taste buds dance every day
  2. Walk for 20 minutes a day in rain, sun, snow or wind and enjoy the sensations of the weather against my skin.
  3.  Drink some water before I put anything else in my mouth.
  4. Do this for 21 days and set some more mini goals.

To keep me on track, I have devised a little chart that I will keep with me and update…


I will be back tomorrow with an update of what I achieved on my first day.  🙂

Change your life with positive affirmations

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything.  What we think, we become.” – Buddha

“Anybody can do anything.” – Me

I have always believed that anyone can do anything.  Just look at this page …

… Full of people with physical disabilities (paralympians) using the strength in their mind to channel their bodies.  To name a few super humans, William Bayley (Men’s C7 singles event), Hannah Cockroft (Women’s T34 400m final).

Let’s not forget the super humans, Olympians, Usain Bolt (Worlds fastest runner) and Michael Phelps (speedy swimmer).

We then only have to look at this page … … full of super humans trying to set the record for many crazy things, like setting the most rat traps on a tongue in a minute, this is just so crazy.

The Guinness World Records is another place to find some interesting humans. gamers completing two day marathons, longest time holding breath voluntarily underwater whilst suspended upside down and many more.

So I think I have proved my point that anyone can do anything!  If all these people can do these things then what is stopping you from doing what you truly want to do?

To change your life with positive affirmations, you need to create a mindset that will allow change to take place.  In my experience you need to first truly believe in every corner of your heart that YOU can change YOUR life.

Fill your heart with gratitude on a daily basis…. Try reading my post on ‘Gratitude’ by clicking on the link.

… Filling your heart with gratitude makes you feel positive as you are reminding your beautiful brain about all the good in your life.

With you, every cloud has a silver lining’…. something someone said to me the other day.

To be continued…. watch this space…





Arrgghhh set me freee!

So here’s the deal…

… A family that has been chiseled and glued together to form a container which is as water tight as a cheesecloth.  As normal as this may sound to many of you… I … personally … find this rather bizarre and somewhat pointless.


Add commerce to take away the magic!


If you would like to take-a-way the magic of anything, just add a sparkle of commerce.

A stampede of elephants running for safety, or the struggle of a refugee, a huge tidal wave obliterating all life it thrashes, nature and humanity create their own chaos and money and/or greed had to make things a whole load chaotic.

Is there a way to escape without moving?  I believe, Yes!  It takes 4 simple steps:

  1. Uncross every finger, leg, arm or any other part of the body you can cross.
  2. Close your eyelids.
  3. Transfer your mind onto the miracle of your breath.
  4. Breathe naturally.

Do this for 2 seconds, then if you can… 10 seconds, then even a minute!  Keep practising in any moment you can (except driving or any other task which requires you to do the opposite of any of the above steps) to experience a moment of escape.  It’s free!  The more you do this for the better you will feel.


This post is dedicated to the word ‘extraordinary’.
I love this word, just saying ‘extraordinary’ makes me smile.
Even the sounds of the synonyms resonate joy beyond joy:
amazing / astonishing / exceptional / marvellous / miraculous / prodigious / remarkable / sensational / stunning / unusual / wonderful
You can not deny yourself the presence of these words in your life.
Live an Extraordinary Life